THE BLACK EYED PEAS were on the radio and this is what I heard…

The CLUB is a postmodern nirvana of self-indulgence! Who cares about heaven when you can frequent the cultural and spiritual epicenter of the abundant nightlife. In this temple of hedonism, the revised anthropic perversion of the scriptures reads: “My kingdom come, My will be done, on earth as it is in My delusional fantasy”…It’s Friday, girl, meet Me at the neopagan Mecca!! Why?
…’Cause at the club I’m a demigod, at the club I’m talented, at the club I find my true identity, at the club my problems disappear, at the club I’m famous, at the club I can do no wrong, at the club I’m in control, at the club I’m always young, at the club I command an audience, at the club I’m my own man, at the club I ordain the future, at the club magic happens, at the club I drink from the fountain of life, at the club I define reality, at the club I can start fresh, at the club women bow to me, at the club I’m an expert, at the club I am attractive, at the club songs are written for me, at the club it’s my birthday, at the club I can dance, at the club I’m irresistible, at the club I’m enraptured, at the club drinks wash my sins away, at the club the future is now, at the club I have eternal life, at the club people envy me, at the club I transcend responsibility, at the club reality is defined, at the club my glory shines forth, at the club I’m accepted unconditionally, at the club I’m fearless, I at the club I speak with authority, at the club I’m a conquistador, at the club spotlights follow me, at the club I’m a sex symbol, at the club I’m rich, at the club I can be who I wish I was, at the club relationships have no strings, at the club I write my own rules, at the club I am invincible, at the club the laws of nature are suspended, at the club I’m on cloud nine, at the club I am celebrity news, at the club I call the shots, at the club I AM, at the club “I’ve got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night!…”
Basically, the club door is a broad and easy gate with a neon sign overhead reading, “EAT, DRINK, and be MERRY!” The disclaimer is less legible, not because the letters are small, rather, it has something to do with a less than seven percent spiritual literacy rate among the patrons. If these infantile prima-donnas were not morally hamstrung by reasoning abilities similar to the scholastic aptitude of an average Detroit high school graduate, they might consider the second line: “Objects in here are drunker than they appear…with a beer in the hand, there’s no God to fear.” The road to hell is paved with existentialism and stops at every club along the way. Inside these modern vomitoriums, perpetually adolescent, self-aggrandizing apostates squander their birthright for a Facebook post and a hangover. Oh Lord, save my generation! We have worshiped ourselves. We have tempted the One True God. We have sinned against you!

(This is what runs through my mind every time I hear that song)

-Ken Carlton